Tag: fear

My Secret Fear

My Secret Fear

A lot of people tell me I’m SO BRAVE to drive across country by myself, jump out of an airplane, raft down a ten foot waterfall, go hang gliding, or participate in a national oral presentation competition.  Many people think I am fearless.

I am not.  I was never really scared of any of those things (except skydiving, but I eventually did it anyway).

I’m secretly TERRIFIED of parking garages.

When I was 18, I had my first experience in a parking garage as a driver.  I drove in, found a spot, and parked.  Not so different from a parking lot.  When I was done with my school day at University of Florida, I got in my car and followed the exit signs.  As soon as I pulled out and turned the corner, I realized I was trapped in a labyrinth from hell.  Instead of leading me OUT of the garage, following the exit signs led me to the ROOF.  Each time I went up a level, I felt the walls and ceiling closing in on me.  The first ray of sunlight as I entered the roof felt like the door of my jail cell being slammed shut.  I couldn’t breathe.  I need to get out now!  How do I escape?!

I tried to think rationally.  Since I wasn’t actually locked inside the garage, I could park on the roof and scale the side of the building.  But then my car would still be stuck in the garage, so that would have to be the last resort.  For a split second, I considered driving my car off of the roof.

Defeated, I parked on the roof and screamed in frustration.  I felt like it was a setup.  An evil master plan to trap me on the roof of the garage.  And my evil captor had me right where they wanted me.  My whole body was shaking as I tried to catch my breath.  I had to act quickly if I wanted to get out alive.  Sitting in my car on the roof of the garage was not getting me any closer to escaping.  But I had already exhausted all of my ideas.  I wasn’t ready to abandon my car yet.

So I did what any distraught teenager would do:  I called my dad.  He told me to ignore all exit signs and look for a different set of ramps.  I slowly made my way back down through the labyrinth, still feeling like I was behind enemy lines.  Every time I turned a corner, I held my breath waiting to see what new obstacles would appear. When I got to the ground floor, I saw an exit sign that pointed the wrong way.  I felt my stomach tighten at the thought of ending up on the roof again.  Is this it?  Am I trapped inside?

I looped back around the ground floor, and saw a clear path to the exit!  I sped up to get through the exit before any more obstacles could appear.  I finally escaped!  I made it out alive!

Still terrified, I drove straight home and promised myself I would never park in a garage ever again.


Overcoming Fear on the Flight: My First Skydive

Overcoming Fear on the Flight: My First Skydive

I wanted to go skydiving ever since I discovered it at 17 years old.  But I went back and forth several times throughout the years.

“This is going to be the most fun EVER!!”

“Hmm, maybe it will hurt my back when the parachute opens.”

“Why would I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane?”

“What if the parachute doesn’t open?”

For many years, I let other people’s fears get in my way. I dismissed it and decided I probably wouldn’t do it. Then one day after seeing many friends post skydiving pictures, I decided I was ready to try it.  Unfortunately, my friends were not.  After several attempts at getting someone to go with me, I decided to do it, friends or no friends!

The last thing my best friend Devon told me before he died:  “Go skydiving immediately.  Don’t wait.  Don’t worry about having friends.  Go alone and you will meet new friends who won’t chicken out.”

I made it an “unofficial meetup” for the World Domination Summit, which is an awesome gathering of entrepreneurs, world travelers, adventurers, and changemakers.

I made an “open reservation” at Skydive Oregon.  They sent me a link to share with my friends.  Anyone interested in joining me could follow the link and join my group by paying the deposit.  I was fully prepared to go alone if nobody clicked my link.  I created an event and shared the link with fellow WDS attendees.  As long as everyone in the group met the physical requirements and the clouds were above Mt. Hood, we were good to go!

When the day finally came, two other attendees had signed up.  I was so excited!  As I was on my way to pick up my new friends, I looked east and could not see Mt. Hood.  I started to panic.  The clouds are too low.  What if we don’t get to skydive today?

I immediately called the drop zone and let them know I couldn’t see Mt. Hood, and asked if that would be a problem.  They said to call back in an hour.  That gave us time to go out for breakfast.  After breakfast, I called back and they said they had blue skies, and they were ready for us to come over!

It seemed so surreal.  It took me three years to find someone willing to go with me.  I was a little nervous.  I got nauseous from motion sickness while hang gliding.  Would the parachute ride make me sick?  What about the plane ride?  I don’t do well on small planes.  And lately, I’ve been feeling motion sick on large commercial planes.  The skydiving airplane is barely bigger than a helicopter!  What about being harnessed to a man?  I don’t like men getting that close to me.  Maybe I can make an exception if he’s the one with the parachute?

We took our training class, geared up, and walked towards the plane.  Any minute now, it’s going to hit me and I’m probably going to be terrified.  Hopefully I don’t freeze up. If I do, hopefully the instructor pushes me out before I realize what’s going on.

As I approached the plane, the smell of diesel exhaust made me slightly nauseous.  I climbed the ladder and got in the seat.  When we took off, the plane swayed back and forth.  But it was a smooth ride. It felt like riding the monorail at Disney.  I can do this.

I sat in the plane, now harnessed to my tandem instructor, waiting for reality to hit me.  I’m in a plane on my way up to 13,000 ft. How will I react when the fear hits me?

Then I remembered something.  Every single time I’ve been scared before an extreme sport, I was anticipating how it was going to be.  For example-

  • Ziplining:  When I’m standing on the platform about to push off, how far will I freefall before i start moving forward? (none)
  • Whitewater rafting:  What if I get seasick?  What if I can’t paddle fast enough, in the right direction?  (I didn’t, and that’s not how it works.)
  • Hang Gliding:  What if I’m going too fast and I end up 100 miles away from where I’m supposed to land?  (The glider goes pretty slow.  And they make sure there are no strong winds before you take off.)
  • also Hang Gliding:  I’m terrible at running.  Do I have to run off the side of a cliff with my instructor?  What if I trip over my feet?  (You can’t do a running launch as a tandem.  And you have to have lots of experience.)
  • Waterfall Rappelling:  What if my feet can’t grip the rocks because they are wet?  What if the waterfall pushes me down?  (It doesn’t work like that.)

Sure, each of these activities requires some training and safety. But in general, the thing I was most afraid of DIDN’T HAPPEN! Could skydiving also be on that list? Possibly. Whatever I am waiting to be scared of probably isn’t going to happen either. We’ll see!

I decided not to anticipate how it might feel. Instead, I’ll just be present in the moment and OBSERVE how it feels.

When it was my turn, we got up and walked towards the door. I was surprised that I didn’t feel like I was going to get sucked out of the plane with the door open. My tandem instructor approached the doorway until my feet dangled off the edge. I had seen this a hundred times in other people’s skydiving videos. Despite being 13,000 ft in the air with my feet dangling into the sky, I did not feel like I was about to fall off the edge.  I felt secure.

When he jumped, I felt the drop.  I was freefalling towards the earth! The sensation quickly disappeared; once we reached terminal velocity, it didn’t feel like I was dropping.  I felt the wind and the cool air.  It felt like going outside in the winter with no scarf during a strong wind.

Once he pulled the parachute, I felt the acceleration once again. Even though we were slowing down, it initially felt like we were going faster. The parachute ride felt similar to parasailing or hang gliding. It was a nice, relaxing ride with gorgeous views of the landscape. Except that I got nauseous as soon as we started to steer.

We made a perfect landing. Feeling sick, I was happy to have my feet back on the ground again.

It was definitely a fun experience, despite feeling sick. However, I was disappointed that I didn’t feel an adrenaline rush. I might do it again if I were able to find something to take away the motion sickness. Perhaps I could try sea bands or Transderm Scop.

How did you overcome your fears before an extreme sport?